Lullaby...

Well kayden. i dont know where to start.
last night me and france got into a huge fight. huge. he was saying stuff like 'i'm always fucking wrong to you. i can never be right to you. we think totally different ways. i'm not the right person for you.' etc. i kept telling him that he was wrong and for him to just stop but he wouldnt so i said 'stop. youre hurting me francisco.' and he asked why and i told him 'because i adore you and i'd do anything for you and youre over here saying all this' and he said stuff and then he said ' do you want me out of your life? just tell me and i'm gone because i just want happiness for you.' and i said 'not at all' and then we said some more stuff then he asked me what i wanted and i said 'i want things to work out for us.' and he said 'idk where i stand' and i said 'you never do' and he said 'im just confused' and i said 'about what?' and he said 'because you walked out of my life when my feelings were the strongest ever and idk if i can just take you back' and i said 'do you want me out of your life?' and he said 'no.' and i said 'its the only thing i can do to make things easier for you.' and he said 'well dont' and i said 'its best for you francisco' and he said 'i love you so no. i have to go. goodnight.' etc.
this morning my mom woke me up early to go conditioning with my soccer team. not mandatory but she made me anyways and i was reall mad cause i didnt wanna go. then i got home and was lazy and stuff. lol
then we went to maywood driving school where my mother signed me up for driving classes starting this saturday! so for the next 2 saturdays and the next 2 sundays, from 9 am to 4 pm, i will be in drivers ed:D
i got back and my mom made me text francisco and make things better or whatever. he said something about how he beat me driving first and i was messing around with him saying no he didnt like a million times. then he freaked and was like 'youre so frustrating. shit man. you act so childish like im some game to you' and i was like 'umm i was joking' and he was like 'no im just some game to you. like you can go date missa and come back and think i'll still be there' and i was like 'it wasnt even like that.' blah blah blah.
france; see you never understood me.
me; no it just pisses me off that you seemed like you really didnt wanna be with me but you sure are quick to assume all the bad things that couldve happened.
france; no i did wanna be with you but you never understood me
me; you just keep coming up with different excuses
france; theyre not excuses
me; sure seems like it
france; well they aint
me; well then you keep coming up with different reasons
france; not anymore.
me; alright then.
france; :)k then.
me; so. we're friends:)
france; we always have been though right
me; you know what i meant
france; no i didnt
me; nevermind then.
france; no tell me
me; no. you know you knew what i meant.
france; well if thats what you want then fine
me; thats not what i want but it seems like thats what you want.
france; speak for yourself
me; i am. why dont you.
france; thats not what i want
me; then what do you want?
france; not what you want nigga

in those exact words. with those 5 words, he completely ripped my chest open. stomped on my lungs and spit on my heart. all at once. i dont even know how to explain this. i'm completely just torn. i wont lie to you kayden, i cried. and i think i will again once i'm done with this...it hurt me so bad kayden...


well idk what else to say, i love you so much and i hope youre partying it up:)