"Vulnerable"
Share with me the blankets that you're wrapped in
Because it's cold outside, cold outside, it's cold outside
Share with me the secrets that you kept in
Because it's cold inside, cold inside, it's cold inside
[Pre-chorus:]
And you're slowly shaking finger tips
Show that you're scared like me so
Let's pretend we're alone
And I know you may be scared
And I know we're unprepared
But I don't care
[Chorus:]
Tell me, tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible?
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable
Impossible
I was born to tell you I love you
Isn't that a song already?
I get a B in originality
And it's true I can't go on without you
Your smile makes me see clearer
If you could only see in the mirror what I see
[Pre-chorus]
[Chorus]
Slow down girl -- you're not going anywhere
Just wait around and see
Maybe I am much more you never know what lies ahead
I promise I can be anyone, I can be anything
Just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed
I can be anyone, anything, I promise I can be what you need
[Chorus]
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Vulnerable..?
I went to Universal Studios today. Thats right, i was in L.A. while you were in New York, life's so fair xP
i had alot of fun though!! i took pictures with my sisters:)
OMG i ate sooooooo much!!! dont believe me?
i ate; 4 pieces of chicken strips, an order of french fries, half a huge chocolate chip cookie, a whole mini apple pie!, some pasta salad, a ceasar salad, a couple bites of pizza, a cinabon stix, and a bowl of DELICIOUS banana chocolate mousse:D lol
omg im a fat little piggy. my mom and dad were making fun of me and saying that i'll never be able to eat out on a date cause the guy would never call me for a second one. lmao!
well i didnt talk to franny today. or missa. or alexis. or nelson. or montana. i had a relaxing day:)
but anyways, i hope youre having an amazing time in new york and that youre living it up out there exploring the U.S. Love You:D
i had alot of fun though!! i took pictures with my sisters:)
OMG i ate sooooooo much!!! dont believe me?
i ate; 4 pieces of chicken strips, an order of french fries, half a huge chocolate chip cookie, a whole mini apple pie!, some pasta salad, a ceasar salad, a couple bites of pizza, a cinabon stix, and a bowl of DELICIOUS banana chocolate mousse:D lol
omg im a fat little piggy. my mom and dad were making fun of me and saying that i'll never be able to eat out on a date cause the guy would never call me for a second one. lmao!
well i didnt talk to franny today. or missa. or alexis. or nelson. or montana. i had a relaxing day:)
but anyways, i hope youre having an amazing time in new york and that youre living it up out there exploring the U.S. Love You:D
Monday, June 14, 2010
All Time Lows.
wow what a day. i woke up early to go conditioning for soccer again. blehhhhhh. lol then i got home and layed in bed the whole day! :D haha i didnt go to sleep though cause i was busy talking to juan and franny.
juan wanted to know what i thought about nelson. cause nelson told him that he liked me but he didnt think he had a chance.
idk if i do like him or not. i mean he's super funny and sweet and easy to talk to but he doesnt..."keep the flame alive" (remember remember? lol) idk.
franny; i love him . nothing else to it. but i'm just at a crossroads right now. i was thinking. the kind of love that me and franny have is like old married love. not young crazy sweet love. like we fight like an old married couple instead of like the cute gestures that teenagers do these days. and i'm not sure that thats what i want you know?
alexis; he texted me this morning and we were talking and i'm pretty sure he wanted to come over. and at one point i told him he was crazy and he said 'maybe just crazy over you:)' he's such a flirt. lol dont worry i'm not taking anything he says to heart or to mind. you taught me better than that:)
missa; i texted him today. i asked him if we could talk. lots of things were said. and i'm still talking to him so technically theyre still being said. i told him the truth. not the lies i've been telling everyone. including you. so i'll tell you the truth now kayden. i didnt wanna end things with missa because of franny. i really liked missa. alot. and it scared me that i was starting to like him so much, so fast. especially cause vahan told me that he knew what missa was like, and that he wasn't the long relationship type so i was stupid and believed him. and i freaked out and guarded myself up like i always do. because i didnt wanna get hurt. and i didnt want anyone else to know that it was going to hurt me that bad. because ive always wanted people to think i was strong. but kayden, i keep replaying that night with him. that night at the fair. and how it felt to have his arms wrapped around me and my hand in his. ugh kayden idk what i did. idk what i'm doing. i love franny, i really do. but i miss missa. and i think thats taking away from me LIKING franny. idk how to explain it. i'm so screwed up. and i know youre reading this, shaking your head and probably thinking how stupid i am. but ugh. and now he just asked me why i 'b.s d him the way i did' and then abruptly said he was getting offline. so now i'm stuck here simmering my mind trying to figure out what i will say when i talk to him next time..IF i talk to him next time. if he'll talk to me again. i just dont think i could possibly get up the nerves to tell him i miss him. or to tell anyone i miss him. but i do.
well i'm going to universal studios tomorrow so i better get some sleep.
i love you sir(:
juan wanted to know what i thought about nelson. cause nelson told him that he liked me but he didnt think he had a chance.
idk if i do like him or not. i mean he's super funny and sweet and easy to talk to but he doesnt..."keep the flame alive" (remember remember? lol) idk.
franny; i love him . nothing else to it. but i'm just at a crossroads right now. i was thinking. the kind of love that me and franny have is like old married love. not young crazy sweet love. like we fight like an old married couple instead of like the cute gestures that teenagers do these days. and i'm not sure that thats what i want you know?
alexis; he texted me this morning and we were talking and i'm pretty sure he wanted to come over. and at one point i told him he was crazy and he said 'maybe just crazy over you:)' he's such a flirt. lol dont worry i'm not taking anything he says to heart or to mind. you taught me better than that:)
missa; i texted him today. i asked him if we could talk. lots of things were said. and i'm still talking to him so technically theyre still being said. i told him the truth. not the lies i've been telling everyone. including you. so i'll tell you the truth now kayden. i didnt wanna end things with missa because of franny. i really liked missa. alot. and it scared me that i was starting to like him so much, so fast. especially cause vahan told me that he knew what missa was like, and that he wasn't the long relationship type so i was stupid and believed him. and i freaked out and guarded myself up like i always do. because i didnt wanna get hurt. and i didnt want anyone else to know that it was going to hurt me that bad. because ive always wanted people to think i was strong. but kayden, i keep replaying that night with him. that night at the fair. and how it felt to have his arms wrapped around me and my hand in his. ugh kayden idk what i did. idk what i'm doing. i love franny, i really do. but i miss missa. and i think thats taking away from me LIKING franny. idk how to explain it. i'm so screwed up. and i know youre reading this, shaking your head and probably thinking how stupid i am. but ugh. and now he just asked me why i 'b.s d him the way i did' and then abruptly said he was getting offline. so now i'm stuck here simmering my mind trying to figure out what i will say when i talk to him next time..IF i talk to him next time. if he'll talk to me again. i just dont think i could possibly get up the nerves to tell him i miss him. or to tell anyone i miss him. but i do.
well i'm going to universal studios tomorrow so i better get some sleep.
i love you sir(:
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Already Gone...
I had drivers ed AGAIN today!! it was way more boring than yesterday and i wanted to just shoot myslelf!! at break, i walked to the liquor store and this guy from my class stopped next to me and i was like 'things are really akward here. no one knoes anyone else.' and he said 'well i'm xavier' and i said 'well i'm sylvana' and he said 'now you know someone. let me make sure i have your name right, sylvana?' and i said yeah but that he would forget it by lunch. then i walked away. and just like that, he wouldnt freaking leave me alone the WHOLE CLASS!!! but my mom came at lunch with some kfc and i ate in the car with amanda and anyssa (amanda had stayed the night) so i didnt have to be a loner at lunch again:)
right after class, i had to go to quince practice. it was pretty fun but my phone was dead so i didnt get to talk to anyone until i got home at 7:(
then i just relaxed but stayed up late talking to MONTANA:) i missed that boy. but it got kinda akward when he tole me that he was an idiot for letting me go and i was his dream girl and i was perfect and all this. it makes me so mad that bpys lose me then just want a second chance cause they realize they were 'idiots'. dumb boys. lol'
well ILOVE YOU:D
right after class, i had to go to quince practice. it was pretty fun but my phone was dead so i didnt get to talk to anyone until i got home at 7:(
then i just relaxed but stayed up late talking to MONTANA:) i missed that boy. but it got kinda akward when he tole me that he was an idiot for letting me go and i was his dream girl and i was perfect and all this. it makes me so mad that bpys lose me then just want a second chance cause they realize they were 'idiots'. dumb boys. lol'
well ILOVE YOU:D
Saturday, June 12, 2010
California Girl:)
Bleh nothing but driving school today!! It was sooooooo boring and i didnt know anyone so i was a complete loner!! at the breaks AND at lunch. but it will be worth it when i'm driving down the road with the wind in my hair:D lol
i got home and hung out with amanda belmudes and my sister. we played sing it and danced and sang to a bunch of karaoke on youtube!! me and amanda sound really good together when we sing lucky by colbie callait and jason mraz:)
then i had to go to sleep early. bleh:( lol
didnt really talk to anyone today. double blah. haha
IloveYOU!!
i got home and hung out with amanda belmudes and my sister. we played sing it and danced and sang to a bunch of karaoke on youtube!! me and amanda sound really good together when we sing lucky by colbie callait and jason mraz:)
then i had to go to sleep early. bleh:( lol
didnt really talk to anyone today. double blah. haha
IloveYOU!!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Baby, It's Fact!
well today was crazy wierd. francisco texted me and i ignored him. but he texted me again and i replied with the message that he sent me saying 'not what you want nigga' and he was like 'exactly. i dont want what you want sylvana' and i said 'then what do you want francisco??' and he said 'i was referring to what you said you wanted sylvana.' and i said 'i said i wanted to be more than friends with you francisco.' and he said 'yeah you said that and i said i didnt want what you wanted nigga. saying i DO NOT WANT WHAT YOU WANT SYLVANA!!' and i said 'then what the hell do you want francisco??' and he said 'text me when youre not in a bad mood kay:)' and i said 'no. tell me now.' and he said 'well tone the attitude down a notch.' and i said 'yeah sure.'
france; no do it
me; i am
france; okay good
me; okay now would you like to tell exactly what it is that you want francisco?
france; i want things to work out for us
me; then whyd you say that yesterday?
france; say what?
me; that you didnt want what i want 'nigga'
france; i thought you meant you wanted to be friends
me; well i didnt
france; well why didnt you ask me?
me; cause i was so mad. i did not want to talk to you.
france; well i'm sorry
me; its fine.
end of convo. kayden, i think he was lying. i think he knew what he did last night but now he regrets it so he came up with an excuse. i'm so tired of playing these games with him kayden. but its hard to imagine life without him. ugh.
well natasha, anthony, nick and casssondra came over today. anthony broke the net on my trampoline. my mom was so mad. lol me and natasha were acting like idiots. i love her. haha
i hope youre having fun wherever you are right now. youre safety is in my prayers:) i love you!
france; no do it
me; i am
france; okay good
me; okay now would you like to tell exactly what it is that you want francisco?
france; i want things to work out for us
me; then whyd you say that yesterday?
france; say what?
me; that you didnt want what i want 'nigga'
france; i thought you meant you wanted to be friends
me; well i didnt
france; well why didnt you ask me?
me; cause i was so mad. i did not want to talk to you.
france; well i'm sorry
me; its fine.
end of convo. kayden, i think he was lying. i think he knew what he did last night but now he regrets it so he came up with an excuse. i'm so tired of playing these games with him kayden. but its hard to imagine life without him. ugh.
well natasha, anthony, nick and casssondra came over today. anthony broke the net on my trampoline. my mom was so mad. lol me and natasha were acting like idiots. i love her. haha
i hope youre having fun wherever you are right now. youre safety is in my prayers:) i love you!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Lullaby...
Well kayden. i dont know where to start.
last night me and france got into a huge fight. huge. he was saying stuff like 'i'm always fucking wrong to you. i can never be right to you. we think totally different ways. i'm not the right person for you.' etc. i kept telling him that he was wrong and for him to just stop but he wouldnt so i said 'stop. youre hurting me francisco.' and he asked why and i told him 'because i adore you and i'd do anything for you and youre over here saying all this' and he said stuff and then he said ' do you want me out of your life? just tell me and i'm gone because i just want happiness for you.' and i said 'not at all' and then we said some more stuff then he asked me what i wanted and i said 'i want things to work out for us.' and he said 'idk where i stand' and i said 'you never do' and he said 'im just confused' and i said 'about what?' and he said 'because you walked out of my life when my feelings were the strongest ever and idk if i can just take you back' and i said 'do you want me out of your life?' and he said 'no.' and i said 'its the only thing i can do to make things easier for you.' and he said 'well dont' and i said 'its best for you francisco' and he said 'i love you so no. i have to go. goodnight.' etc.
this morning my mom woke me up early to go conditioning with my soccer team. not mandatory but she made me anyways and i was reall mad cause i didnt wanna go. then i got home and was lazy and stuff. lol
then we went to maywood driving school where my mother signed me up for driving classes starting this saturday! so for the next 2 saturdays and the next 2 sundays, from 9 am to 4 pm, i will be in drivers ed:D
i got back and my mom made me text francisco and make things better or whatever. he said something about how he beat me driving first and i was messing around with him saying no he didnt like a million times. then he freaked and was like 'youre so frustrating. shit man. you act so childish like im some game to you' and i was like 'umm i was joking' and he was like 'no im just some game to you. like you can go date missa and come back and think i'll still be there' and i was like 'it wasnt even like that.' blah blah blah.
france; see you never understood me.
me; no it just pisses me off that you seemed like you really didnt wanna be with me but you sure are quick to assume all the bad things that couldve happened.
france; no i did wanna be with you but you never understood me
me; you just keep coming up with different excuses
france; theyre not excuses
me; sure seems like it
france; well they aint
me; well then you keep coming up with different reasons
france; not anymore.
me; alright then.
france; :)k then.
me; so. we're friends:)
france; we always have been though right
me; you know what i meant
france; no i didnt
me; nevermind then.
france; no tell me
me; no. you know you knew what i meant.
france; well if thats what you want then fine
me; thats not what i want but it seems like thats what you want.
france; speak for yourself
me; i am. why dont you.
france; thats not what i want
me; then what do you want?
france; not what you want nigga
in those exact words. with those 5 words, he completely ripped my chest open. stomped on my lungs and spit on my heart. all at once. i dont even know how to explain this. i'm completely just torn. i wont lie to you kayden, i cried. and i think i will again once i'm done with this...it hurt me so bad kayden...
well idk what else to say, i love you so much and i hope youre partying it up:)
last night me and france got into a huge fight. huge. he was saying stuff like 'i'm always fucking wrong to you. i can never be right to you. we think totally different ways. i'm not the right person for you.' etc. i kept telling him that he was wrong and for him to just stop but he wouldnt so i said 'stop. youre hurting me francisco.' and he asked why and i told him 'because i adore you and i'd do anything for you and youre over here saying all this' and he said stuff and then he said ' do you want me out of your life? just tell me and i'm gone because i just want happiness for you.' and i said 'not at all' and then we said some more stuff then he asked me what i wanted and i said 'i want things to work out for us.' and he said 'idk where i stand' and i said 'you never do' and he said 'im just confused' and i said 'about what?' and he said 'because you walked out of my life when my feelings were the strongest ever and idk if i can just take you back' and i said 'do you want me out of your life?' and he said 'no.' and i said 'its the only thing i can do to make things easier for you.' and he said 'well dont' and i said 'its best for you francisco' and he said 'i love you so no. i have to go. goodnight.' etc.
this morning my mom woke me up early to go conditioning with my soccer team. not mandatory but she made me anyways and i was reall mad cause i didnt wanna go. then i got home and was lazy and stuff. lol
then we went to maywood driving school where my mother signed me up for driving classes starting this saturday! so for the next 2 saturdays and the next 2 sundays, from 9 am to 4 pm, i will be in drivers ed:D
i got back and my mom made me text francisco and make things better or whatever. he said something about how he beat me driving first and i was messing around with him saying no he didnt like a million times. then he freaked and was like 'youre so frustrating. shit man. you act so childish like im some game to you' and i was like 'umm i was joking' and he was like 'no im just some game to you. like you can go date missa and come back and think i'll still be there' and i was like 'it wasnt even like that.' blah blah blah.
france; see you never understood me.
me; no it just pisses me off that you seemed like you really didnt wanna be with me but you sure are quick to assume all the bad things that couldve happened.
france; no i did wanna be with you but you never understood me
me; you just keep coming up with different excuses
france; theyre not excuses
me; sure seems like it
france; well they aint
me; well then you keep coming up with different reasons
france; not anymore.
me; alright then.
france; :)k then.
me; so. we're friends:)
france; we always have been though right
me; you know what i meant
france; no i didnt
me; nevermind then.
france; no tell me
me; no. you know you knew what i meant.
france; well if thats what you want then fine
me; thats not what i want but it seems like thats what you want.
france; speak for yourself
me; i am. why dont you.
france; thats not what i want
me; then what do you want?
france; not what you want nigga
in those exact words. with those 5 words, he completely ripped my chest open. stomped on my lungs and spit on my heart. all at once. i dont even know how to explain this. i'm completely just torn. i wont lie to you kayden, i cried. and i think i will again once i'm done with this...it hurt me so bad kayden...
well idk what else to say, i love you so much and i hope youre partying it up:)
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